Bitches broth

I'm a big fan of the many varied Vietnamese soups here in Saigon. Something of a soup stalker, if you will. But what, I hear you ask, is my favourite? That’s a tough one right enough. Don't think I haven't mulled it over. I've thought of little else for the last eight years. But as of January 2005, I’m 98.89% certain of the one I’d choose. But, am I sure enough to commit that conviction to blogdom? Hmmm… Let’s put it another way.

If I was banged up in Bellmarsh taking a shower and three 200lb sweaty, tattooed bitches had my legs spread, neck held in a fist vice, one side of my face melded to ceramic wall tiles and the threat of an afternoon at the ragged end of the prison meat train very real and rather imminent. If I found myself in such a spot of bother and was then asked what my favourite Vietnamese soup was, I’d have to own up and say, “Bun mam" But, I'd say it very, very loudly taking extreme care to enunciate my consonants.

Bun mam is blindin’. This penny-pinching troll stallholder on the local market is the only mean minded witch seller of this powerful broth that I’ve found within a mile radius of Pieman Towers. Bun mam doesn’t appear to be as ubiquitous as Bun rieu, Pho, Banh canh cua or Hu tieu. I’m not sure why that is, or even if that statement is factually correct, but I don’t think Bun mam is held in such high regard as Vietnam's better known super-soups.

So what is it? We covered it briefly before and back then I promised to delve deeper. I'll be honest with you, I haven’t journeyed much further at all, just around the corner actually. But I do have a few more factoids to hand. Pictured above we have part of the Bun mam assembly line, bun (vermicelli noodles), soup, aubergine and that green end of spring onion-alike, which is not a spring onion, on your right is called he, (Sorry, I don't know the English. Any help appreciated). In the table top glass cabinet this thief lady stores pre-cooked prawns and fatty, roasted pork. Some Bun mam sellers also throw in squid and fish, but not the tight-fisted bitch seller at this stall. The soup stock is the key. It’s rammed full of goodies, not sure what exactly, but I do know there’s a healthy splosh or ten of Mam tom, the purple prawn paste monster, in there. That’s the one providing the punch and the pong here. Bun mam does whiff.

Next up is the shrubbery. Now, if anyone can tell me why different Vietnamese soups come with different hedgerow clippings, or none at all, I’d love to know. The amazing bush pictured above is peculiar to Bun mam. That wee green chap to the top right, rau dang, has the strongest flavour (English anyone?) and is often served with Chao ca (Rice porridge with fish) and is apparently useful if you're suffering from a stinking cold like me at the moment. The purple fella is bong sung (English again?). We also have raw beansprouts,  raw rau muong (raw stripped morning glory) and the green leaf trio of rau thom (Sorrel), rau que (Urr... English?) and one sprig of sour rau ca which is a powerful and unusual 'fish mint'.

Moving on to the taste. It’s a slightly sweet, complex, muddy flood of fermented prawn paste and chilli lavered into a thick earthy stock. I could blabber on for hours about it, but to be honest I don’t really know what I'm talking about, what's in it or how it's really made. However, I do know I couldn't possibly come close to reproducing it even if I did know. It tastes blinkin’ marvellous.

I visit this lying cheat seller about once a week. I first tried it hand delivered to Pieman Towers, pictured below. Impressed, a month or two later I popped down stallside for a butchers myself. If you have a Vietnamese face at this sly businesslike stall, it'll cost you 7,000VD. Difficult to disguise a pasty Brit face anywhere and I got wholloped for a full 10,000VD for my first purchase. I briefly challenged the cheating scum elderly trader in my pathetic, pidgin Vietnamese, but the evil one she wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t want to make Satan’s mistress her lose her faeces in public and so I sloped off, soup in hand, ego singed.

A follow-up visit a week later, accompanied by a Vietnamese face, and this two-faced harpy grey-haired stall-holder told my accomplice, “NOW, he knows the real price, he can have it for 7,000 dong.” In so doing I broke noodlepie’s number one rule, ‘Never return to a seller who diddles the dumb foreigner. No matter how good the grub is.’ There is no rule number two. But Bun mam is THAT good. Yes - good enough even to break noodlepie-law for. But, if you ever fancy a fill at this arch criminal's lair stall holder’s table, watch your pennies or she’ll shaft you. Prison style.

Comments

[Lei]

Never mind. She only robbed you of 3000 VND (less than 20 cents USD) and you obviously think it's delicious. Don't let her raise your stress levels! ;)

[pieman]

No worries Lei, she didn't. British humour doesn't always translate, and it isn't always funny....

[vickie]

Vietnamese - English
He- Garlic chives
Rau que - Basil
Bong sung - rootstock of water lily

Cheers

[Lisa]

The humour translated just fine. It's hilarious.

[pieman]

Thx Vicky, most helpful. Glad someone was tickled Lisa. Interestingly today, this seller smiled at me - that's the first time that's happened since she stiffed me for the big 3,000 dong - plus she was selling veggie My xao (fries noodles). I noticed alot of the stall holders had switched tack to veggies today. Apparently it's something to do with the new moon. Not sure what exactly, but meat is a wee bit of a no-no at the mo it seems. Might blog up more next week if someone can tell me the reason why...??

[Lisa]

Jan 9 is the equivalent of Nov 30th on the lunar calendar. Vietnamese Buddhists do not eat meat on the 30th, 1st and the 15th of the lunar month. I think that's why you see people selling vegetarian food. (I called my Mom to check and this is what I was told).

[pieman]

Thanks for the explanation. Much appreciated.

[MrsT]

So very interesting..!

[ecr]

Rau dang (I've picked some up at the market) is a variety of cress. Leafing through my encyclopedic veg guide the other day I chanced upon a picture of cresses showing many varieties ... this was one of them.

"He" in my dictionary translates to sweet leek -- same as garlic chives?

BTW have you visited wanderingspoon.com? Quite informative food postings from by a Viet khieu food writer travelling Vietnam. Including grilled field mice south of Saigon. Mmmm mmmmm....

[pieman]

Rau dang certainly looks like a kinda cress, but has a very strong flavour, stronger than any cress I've tried.. The He - garlic chives - I'm not sure. I asked someone else and they didn't think it was this and it doesn't taste garlicky or chivey either. At least not to me. It looks more green leeky. The jury's still out on this one.

Thx for the link, looks and sounds good. Will link at pie

[melissa]

very interesting. your comments on troutface. surely you're above all that? :) funny, i've many canadian friends who are afraid to venture into chinatown for the same reasons-surly chinese/asian people. you can't take it to heart. they really aren't trying to make your life miserable but of course it's easier for me to say that seeing that i am chinese.
anyhoo, i've had great fun reading your accounts on vietnamese street food, almost makes me want to abandon the bloody winter spell here and move to vietnam. the pictures are equally impressive, a little too enticing perhaps.
i am looking forward to reading more on your blog.

[pieman]

Just a wee bit fun Melissa. Imaginary caricatures or something... Had a couple of Brit friends over for dinner last night (Fish 'n' Chips 'n' real Mushy peas- yeah...) who are also considering moving back to the UK. The weather (and the food) there got us collectively very depressed. Thankfully we had plenty of vino du collapso to hand. I simply can't remember what a chilly, dark, damp, miserable morning's like. So, no matter how glum old troutface looks, I'd still rather see her rosy cheeks in the morning than the frostbitten pasty angst of a million Brits grumbling their way to work, teeth gritted against the parky chill. Ouch...

[Gia]

well I think if u like her food u should give her a big tip and top it off u shouldn't call her names like that ! That is just plan rude. she just trying to make a living.. for godsake

[huy]

I will try to find some of the food stalls you have mentioned in this soup blogs, going there in a few weeks.
I did enjoy your humor. It was the principle of being 'cheated' .

[Tania]

He is galic chive, this is just the name, ofcourse it doesn't take anything like garlic :)

[Derek Phan]

Hi there,
I really do enjoy your blog. I'm Vietnamese by the way. I don't think your translation of Ba Sau (Bà Sáu) is correct. It does not mean 36, it should be Old Lady Number 6th. "Bà" is used to call an old lady. "Sáu" is used to indicate her or her husband's order in their family. For example, if she or her husband is the sixth child in their family, then people will call her "Sáu".

[Steven Khieu]

You know, I like your style of writing.
tis entertaining to the max.
perhaps we will do some business in the near future.

and yes, don't you know beter than to mess with those women on your own ?

[Steven Khieu]

ohh man, and you complained over a dollar ?

you're worst than her.

baahahahahahahahahhaha

isn't 10,000.00 VND = 1.00 USD ?

man, I wish I could eat a bowl of soup of that quality for 90 cents.